Ever since I’ve gotten out of my last relationship I have been saying that I don’t want a relationship at this point in my life. I’ve rehearsed the lines over and over.
“I don’t want a relationship because I’m just trying to focus on myself, my relationship with God, and my purpose.”
This all sounds good, but at the end of the day it’s somewhat of a lie. I do want a relationship – a healthy, purposeful relationship with the man God has for me. However, as I’ve started to work on healing broken parts of me, letting go of disappointments, and realizing my own failures in my past relationships I’ve realized that the truth is that I can’t afford the investment of a relationship. In other words, it’s not that I don’t want a relationship, but it’s that I’m not ready for one.
It’s easier to claim to not want something than to have to admit that you’re not ready for it. It’s easier to say that you don’t need someone else distracting you when the truth is that you have your own insecurities, fears, and doubts to free yourself from before you can even begin to love someone else. It’s easier to say that the investment isn’t even worth it than it is to admit that you don’t have the necessary credit score to obtain it.It's easier to say that the investment isn't even worth it than it is to admit that you don't have the necessary credit score. Click To Tweet
After some self-reflection I’ve realized that if God gave me what I wanted in this moment I would sabotage it. I would sabotage it with my lack of faith that “good guys” still exist. I would sabotage it with the insecurity that I would never be good enough or the belief that good things don’t last long. I don’t have the personal credit score needed to obtain what God has for me…YET!
Improving Your Personal Credit Score
Like your regular credit score, it’s going to take time and effort to fix it. It requires recognizing repeated patterns and behaviors in your life and evaluating the environment that caused you to view love and relationships in the way that you do. For me personally, I haven’t seen the greatest examples of healthy relationships and marriage. Because I don’t know what that looks like, it’s hard for me to believe that it can exist. This is why step one of improving your personal credit score is so important.
Step One: Check Your Credit Report & History
As I said before, if you want to improve your personal credit score you have to dig deep into your past and begin to pull out all of those patterns and behaviors that you see repeating in your life. If you don’t look at your credit history there is no way for you to know why you are where you are or why you have the mindset on relationships that you do.
Step Two: Start Making Payments
Before you can invest in anything else, you have to invest in yourself. Making payments on your personal credit score could mean standing in front of your mirror everyday and telling yourself “I am beautiful and worthy of love” or “I will receive the love that I am deserving of”. It could also mean beginning to date yourself. Take yourself on dates, do nice things for yourself! This past weekend I took myself to the movies and it was honestly such a relief to not have to argue about which movie we would see and which seasoning we wanted on the popcorn! Start to pour back into yourself and be okay with standing on your own.
Step Three: Stop Obsessing Over It
I can’t be only the person who purposely watches wedding proposals knowing that it’s going to make me cry like a baby and ask God where’s my soulmate? Oh I am….that’s cool! As long as you are actively working towards correcting those patterns and behaviors that you discovered in step one and investing in yourself as step two says, you should not be obsessing over a relationship. Let go and let God. Trust me when I say that you should wait on God’s timing! Ecclesiastes 3:1 says that there is a time and season for everything. I’m a firm believer that a blessing in the wrong season is a blessing not worth having. We have to stop asking God for things that we aren’t ready for and wondering why they go south.
Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. – Psalm 27:14 NIV
We live in a world of instant gratification and if you’re feeling anything like me I want you to know that your time will come. God has not forgotten about you. You are in a season of solitude for a reason – embrace it! Often times God is using this season to mold and shape you. Let it happen! He is setting you apart, not setting you aside.
Was one of your goals for the new year to increase your relationship with Christ? If so, I have just the thing you need to help you get started. I have written 24 devotions and included some prayer prompts in my new ebook. I wrote these devotions initially to help me grow in my faith in Christ but God told me that someone like you would need it as well! Click the pic below to find out how to receive yours for free!