So I have been thinking about writing about sex and celibacy for awhile now but could never bring myself to do it. I don’t know if it’s because I still struggle with the temptation or if it’s a little too personal. I am a very private person and one thing I rarely ever talk about with people is my sex life. However, God has placed it on my heart to talk about it and my decision to be celibate.
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I decided to be celibate right around the time that I started blogging seriously. At that time I had just gotten out of a two year relationship and I found myself in a situationship. I don’t even believe in sex without commitment, but here I was having sex with someone I wasn’t in a relationship with. At that point I knew I was operating from a place of brokenness and I wouldn’t get the healing that I needed unless I chose to stop having sex.
When I was in high school I participated in a purity ceremony, where I received a purity ring and vowed to be abstinent until marriage. Somehow that turned into me promising myself that I would just make it through high school without having sex, which I did. I don’t regret making the decision to have sex because I don’t believe it was made immaturely. I waited until I was truly ready (or as ready as I could have been) and didn’t let anyone force or persuade me into it. However, I do wish that I would’ve known what I know now about the consequences of sex.
Why I Chose Celibacy
Many people choose to be celibate for different reasons, and not all of them revolve around Christianity or religion. Some people choose celibacy to avoid STI’s or pregnancy. Others choose celibacy in order to refocus their energy on things that are more important. Celibacy might not be for everybody, but I do believe that everyone should try it for a period of time. Below are the three reasons why I have chosen to be celibate.
1. Sex Gives Me Dummy Goggles
One of the biggest reasons why I decided to stop having sex was because it turned me into a dummy. I found myself staying in situations way past the expiration date just because the sex was enjoyable. I was valuing sexual chemistry over mental and spiritual intimacy.
2. Soul Ties
“I always say, never sleep with someone you wouldn’t want to be” – Lisa Chase Patterson
Sex is an unifier. There is a transfer of energy when you have sex with someone. I don’t like the idea of being connected to someone (or multiple people!) that God has not called me to. 1 Corinthians 6:16 says, “Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For “the two,” He says, “shall become one flesh.”
It is so much easier to let go of people that are not right for you when sex isn’t involved. You are able to let go freely without the feeling that when you do, you’re letting go of a piece of yourself as well.
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3. Helps With Self-Control
Celibacy has taught me a lot about self-control, or my lack thereof. If you make the decision to practice celibacy the first thing you have to do is create boundaries. You have to decide for yourself what you can and cannot do. For some people this might mean making the decision to not be alone with the opposite sex. Other people may have more self control and be able to push the limit. Just know yourself and be prepared to stand your ground! Don’t let someone else push your boundaries.
Highs & Lows of being Celibate
It’s extremely easy to be celibate when you’re not actively dating. Once you do begin to date and spend time with people that you are attracted to, it can be harder to remain celibate. Recently, I found myself trying to push the limits and see how far I could go and still be able to say I haven’t had sex. I was strongly convicted.
James 1:14-15 says, “But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth dead.” I couldn’t blame the other person for my slip ups. I was the one struggling with lust and I was trying to deal with it all on my own.
1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” I had to get desperate, and I got to the point where all I could do was cry out to God. It was one of the most freeing experiences I’ve ever had, but I know that the work is not done. Celibacy is a continuous fight but I know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
“Celibacy is a great help, inasmuch as it enables one to lead a life of full surrender to God.”
Do you believe in celibacy? If no, why not?
GROW: 2 Min. Devotionals & Prayer Prompts for Young Women
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